I recently attended a lecture by author and brain researcher Dan Siegel M.D., Interpersonal Neurobiology, Child Psychology and Psychiatry. He recently wrote, The Whole Brain Child: 12 Revolutionary strategies to Nurture Your Child’s Developing Mind:
Dan provided very good information in his lecture which emphasized the relationship between the child and others. Dan recommended that parents spend time deliberately connecting with their child(ren). He recommended practicing a mirror technique whereby you help the child identify that you are listening to them by focusing your attention with them in a gentle and loving way. Dan emphasized social-emotional learning at home with parents and in schools across the world. This kind of learning will help the child learn how to self-regulate their internal states when they tantrum, meltdown or flip their lids!
Most importantly though:
When you have your own tantrum, meltdown or lid-flipping episode with your child–it’s OK!
You are human but always make a repair attempt at connection with your child. A reconciliation, apology, or profession of your own accountability for your actions. This repair is sweet, gentle, and comes with love and acceptance of the differences between you and child.
If you have any questions about identifying your own internal states and how to regulate them, you can email me.
And check out Dan’s website. He particularly recommended “Wheel of Awareness”.